On the heels of the revelations that an advance team of Secret Service Agents and some members of the U.S. Military on duty in Columbia to make the way safe for the President of the United States had contact and at least one dispute with local prostitutes, we are now being told that it may have happened before. The Secret Service says that it is investigating reports that some of their agents may have had contact, and a conflict or two, with some ladies of the night in El Salvador.
Although it is not yet entirely clear whether these people were actually agents or just Secret Service employees, it seems that those nasty boys and some €military specialists' were partying hard at a strip club somewhere in El Salvador. At some point they decided to visit a private section of the establishment where sexual favors are offered for a price. Maybe they thought that some threat to the President existed there? If it did, they were it! Haven't any of these brain trusts ever seen those old movies where Russian secret agents use prostitutes to get the goods on American diplomats and intelligence operatives?
I think that the real reason the agents go to clubs like the ones in Columbia and El Salvador is because they just don't want to miss out on the party. It has been reported that members of the Drug Enforcement Agency, some U.S. Embassy personnel and other folks from the good old USA visit that naughty den of iniquity all the time. It just makes sense that the Secret Service should be represented there as well.
I am almost certain that this is just the tip of the iceberg. If these shenanigans went on in Columbia and El Salvador, who is to say that they didn't happen just about everywhere else the Secret Service visits to keep the Prez safe. I wonder if there is some Secret Service super secret list of hot places and hot women to visit when you are out and about abroad? If there is, imagine the money that could be made by selling that list.
I think that all the congressional types looking into the Secret Service scandal should order those agents to turn over that list (if it exists) so that the government printing office can make copies and sell it. I am pretty sure that businessmen traveling overseas would pay a fair sum of money for it and that would help reduce the national debt. In fact, I also sure that their wives would pay even more for the list so that they could use it in divorce proceedings.
Now don't get me wrong. I am all for spreading the love and helping foreigners to understand how Americans feel about truth, justice and the American Way, but I am not sure this is the best way to do it. First off, I am a bit concerned about the morality question. I always thought that Secret Service Agents were supposed to be these straight-shooter types that had some kind of written or unwritten code of conduct that made them set a higher standard for behavior than everybody else. You know, like that whole €officer and a gentleman' thing the military has?
Secondly, I was really upset when the news media reported that one or more Secret Service agents hired a prostitute in El Salvador, had their fun, and then refused to pay her. When she made a fuss, some reports say that they threw her out of a moving car. Now is that any way to treat a lady (even a lady of the evening)? What kind of message does that send to foreign governments? It tells them we are cheap and do not keep our commitments. If some foreign diplomats or secret service agents for some other country hired an escort in some place like New York or Washington, D.C., refused to pay her and threw her out of a moving car, they would be instantly deported and any future access to Playboy Clubs would be denied worldwide.
Thirdly, I am worried about the costs of all this fun. If the agents are paying for the booze and babes themselves, well, who is to judge how a guy spends his hard-earned money? But if they are somehow charging all this to the taxpayers, I say it's time to cut them off. It's bad enough having to pay taxes to support all those million dollar GSA shindigs while a lot of us can't pay our rent, mortgage or utility bills, but I cannot wrap my mind around the idea of having to pay for the sexual enjoyment of Secret Service Agents and others designated to keep our fearless leader safe.
Finally, I can't understand why these agents, members of the military and other government types feel they have to find their lovin' and pay for it outside the country when we have so many girls that just want to have fun right here. In fact, I have just the thing for lonely Secret Service Agents and other government and military guys who have some extra cash available and are in need of more than just a group hug.
Enter the Hot Girls. In case you haven't seen the €Hot Problems' music video on YouTube, it's a must-see. The video features a performance by two girls that describe themselves as €Hot Hot Hot Hot...' and provides those watching it with a short list of problems faced by good looking young women. After the watching the video a few (hundred) times, it seemed to me that these gals need to meet some guys that are also €Hot Hot Hot Hot...' and, based on all the recent reports about their behavior, who can be considered more desirable and ready to rumble than those wild and crazy Secret Service Agents and other government dudes protecting the president?
Look, we have just got to get these guys and girls together. The most it will probably cost the agents and other government guys is a night or two on the town and that's money well spent for a product made right here in the good old USA. Not only will it keep the Secret Service and military guys from getting in trouble overseas, but it will help save the taxpayers money by eliminating the need for us to pay for their sexcapades and all the congressional inquiries and special investigations that result from them.
It also makes good fiscal sense for the agents, military guys and other government employees to spent their money at home because it helps grow the economy here. As long as taxpayers do have to foot the bill, that is money well spent on the €Hot Girls' and might help those young women, the agents and military guys all solve some of their "Hot Problems."